


Famous Last Words

by JennySmithInTARDIS



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a My Chemical Romance Song, Break Up, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Mental Instability, Movie Reference, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:24:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6813049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennySmithInTARDIS/pseuds/JennySmithInTARDIS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Bad Wolf Bay the new half-human Doctor assumed he and Rose would be happy for their forever. </p><p>Rose has other plans. </p><p>Having dreamt about being back on the TARDIS for all these years, Rose finds she is unable to cope with her new, new, new Doctor. She decides to start up the dimension canon project again; to find her Time Lord, much to the Doctor's dismay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I chose not to use archive warnings as the potential triggers of this fic didn't really seem to fit into the categories. 
> 
> Please be aware of the fact this contains an attempted suicide. If this triggers you then please don't read. 
> 
> I do, however, promise a happy and hopeful ending though.

***

Now I know

That I can't make you stay

But where's your heart?

But where's your heart?

But where's your… 

***

 

The Doctor had believed everything was perfect. His Rose had crossed universes to find him and then chosen this version of him to stay with. He had thought they were happy, but was beginning to suspect that, perhaps, it was all just a lie. He wanted so badly for their relationship to fall easily into place, the way it had before. 

 

It wasn’t quite so easy anymore, though. Their relationship took work now. He was, of course, willing to give all it took but was Rose willing to do the same? Well he had hoped that she would, yet the evidence suggested otherwise. She was going to leave him. 

 

He didn't know what hurt more; seeing her get ripped into another dimension with nothing either of them could do about it, or her disappearing by choice, with the knowledge that she didn’t want him. Last time he could kid himself, tell himself lies. He could pretend that she loved openly and honestly, that should they find each other they could make it work. He didn't know if he could handle the rejection, not now, not anymore, not after everything.  

 

Jake had come over to have words with the Doctor whilst Rose was at work. The Doctor had taken the day off due to his first human cold. As he had never gone through such inconveniences as a Time Lord and he wasn’t taking it well. The Doctor couldn't quite believe what Jake had said. It couldn't be true, could it? He knew it must be hard for Rose having to adjust to his new half-human form, but this? Rose Tyler the love of his life, the girl that promised him forever, was pushing Pete to reopen the dimension canon project so she could go back home… and without even telling him. What was she planning on doing exactly? Locking him in a cupboard and disappearing off the face of the Earth, well, the universe? His single heart sank. He had made sacrifices too, so they could have their forever, and now he would die alone on a planet that wasn’t his home; in the wrong universe and without his bigger-on-the-inside box of blue. 

 

The Doctor sat, waiting in the lounge until he heard Rose’s keys in the lock. He stood up and walked stiffly into the hall, muscles tense, jaw clenched, and eyes red-rimmed from the tears of hours gone by. The door swung open and Rose jumped, gasping. 

“Oh, Doctor. Wasn’t expecting you there… everything okay?” 

“Is it true?” he asked, trying not to let the fresh pang of misery fall from his already sore eyes. 

“Is what true?” 

“Rose please,  _ please,  _ don’t leave me.” 

“Leave you?” 

“I know what you’ve been asking Pete… about the dimension canon.” 

 

There was a brief and awkward silence in which Rose wouldn't even look at the Doctor. Instead she looked at her feet as she kicked at the floor.

“I’m sorry,” she finally mumbled.

“You’re sorry?” 

“Yeah. What else do you want me to say Doctor? I just… I just wanna go home.” 

Her shoulders sagged as Rose deflated in defeat. 

“With or without me?” he asked on a whisper. 

The Doctor held his breath for the answer that never came. Not hearing it out loud didn't make it any less painful.

 

***

And I know

There's nothing I can say

To change that part

To change that part

To change…

***

 

They screamed, shouted, and slammed doors shut for hours. In the end he knew. He would never change her mind. Eventually they exhausted themselves out. They agreed to call it a truce, for now at least. They laid together on the sofa, watching tv, with a chinese takeaway on the coffee table in front of them that was left untouched. They both sobbed silently, not attempting to wipe away the other's tears. 

 

The Doctor agreed to sleep in the lounge that night, although he wanted nothing more than to hold her close, to convince her of what she should should already know; that he was still him. That she shouldn't leave because God knows what sort of a man she’d find upon her return to their home universe. That he loved her to the end of time itself and back again. That they had a chance at forever and shouldn’t throw it away. Yet instead he caved, he gave her what she wanted, what she felt was needed. He gave her space. But the thing about space was; there was an endless amount of it between dimensions, within the void. Space had another name. It was also known as hell.  

 

Just before she went to their shared bedroom, by herself, she lingered. He gave her an awkward hug, which she ever-so-briefly relaxed into. That was until her head rested so that she could hear his single heart beat and pulled away immediately. She rushed down the hall, never sparing him a second glance.

 

***

So many

Bright lights, they cast a shadow

But can I speak?

Well is it hard understanding

I'm incomplete

***

 

It had been three months since Rose had been left with the duplicate Doctor on Bad Wolf Bay and things weren’t going well. In a rash decision, mainly out of spite towards the full Time Lord, and desperation, Rose had clung to the half-human Time Lord after he had announced his feelings, sealing all of their fates in one kiss. 

 

Now however? Well, Rose couldn’t help but feel it had been a mistake. Things were moving too quickly. The Doctor had moved straight into her flat and been assigned a job at Torchwood. There was no escaping his presence and no time to hold him at an arm's length while she adjusted. The more he was around, the more she saw the differences and made comparisons. This wasn’t  _ her _ Doctor. He was merely a mirage she had dreamed of in a moment of need. Now her eyes could see clearly how he wobbled and wavered, an optical illusion of what she wished was real.

 

Everyone else seemed so happy to have the Doctor here. They also made it very clear that Rose should be too, but they didn’t see the downsides like Rose did. They forgot that  _ the _ Doctor, the  _ real _ one, the  _ original _ one, he was still out there somewhere all alone. Maybe she could love the new him, but not by himself. She needed the other him too. Her Human-Time Lord Meta-Crisis just wasn’t enough. She had tried, really she had. To begin with she was so wrapped up in him that she was almost happy. Then she remembered.  _ He _ was all alone. She promised him forever and left him alone in  _ their _ universe for another, ordinary(ish) man. How could she move on and be happy when she was consumed by guilt and followed constantly by the ghost of a lover lost? 

 

***

A life that's so demanding

I get so weak

A love that's so demanding

I can't speak

***

 

Rose begged the baby TARDIS to hurry up and grow. Perhaps that would make things easier. Maybe Rose Tyler was just destined to be amongst the stars and the lack of adventure had her frustrated. She knew if this were the case, taking it out on the Doctor was awful; yet she couldn’t help it. The worst part was the guilt. Knowing what she was doing to him. She wished it was simpler, but that didn’t change her feelings or her need to find something more. “Forever” wasn’t a promise, it was a warning. Rose knew once he had given her the stars that she could never give them back. 

 

It pained her, thinking that the TARDIS would ease her into this life, that it would coax her into loving the man she had sworn was her destiny for so many years. She was so convinced that she and the Doctor shared a true love, an unbreakable bond. Yet how could she ever be sure of this now that, without the travel, it was just all such hard work? 

 

***

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

*** 

 

They struggled through the awkward silences and sleepless nights, sleeping on the sofa in turn. They tried, or rather the Doctor tried, to make this work. Rose, however, was constantly on the fence about whether they should throw in the towel or not. Over the course of a month he bought her flowers, he took her on holiday twice, he planned romantic meals and small local adventures. At one point he got down on his knees and begged her to understand how much he loved her… as if not knowing that was the problem. He just  _ didn’t  _ get it.

 

When Rose was seven, she had begged her mother for a birthday party. Jackie reluctantly agreed and Rose had it all planned out. A big bouncy castle, the best cake, jelly and ice cream, and her entire class, as well as all the children from the estate would be there. Perhaps her mum would even get one of those pretend princesses to come to do face paints! Then the big day came. There were only 5 kids in attendance, a small, dry cake, telly, and a rather quick game of musical statues. It broke Rose’s heart. 

 

Now Rose was twenty-five(ish) and it was so much worse. She had planned to find her Lord of Time. They would share a lingering kiss and hide away in the TARDIS for days, wrapped up in one another, making up for lost time. Then, well, then they’d run and never ever stop. Instead she was stuck on Earth with his counterpart that wore the same face, yet was entirely different. No matter how hard she tried to be grateful he hadn't met her expectations and she couldn't help the disappointment that followed. 

 

One night after work, the Doctor didn’t plan anything extravagant. Instead, he simply asked Rose to take a seat in the living room. He followed her in and stood in front of the armchair she sat in, uncomfortable under his gaze. 

“Rose…” he trailed off before he could properly begin, sighing heavily. “All I want - all I have  _ ever _ wanted - is for you to be happy, love.” 

His eyes began to fill with tears and Rose could feel the lump rise in her throat. Oh, how desperately she wanted to love him. 

“I have spent over 900 years without you in my life, and although I love you  _ very _ much and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with you…” he took a shuddering breath. “I need to know you’re living the life that’s best for  _ you _ , with or without me. So I am willing to step back. I’m not afraid to live alone, because you have given me the strength and courage to do so. And I don't want you to feel guilty, I know that the other me entrusted you with my care, but--” 

“I’m sorry?” Rose cut him off.

“Well, he did. This, staying here, was my penance for committing genocide on the crucible. A penance we asked you to oversee. But that doesn't matter… we forgive you.” 

 

Rose’s blood began to boil.  _ Penance _ ? He told her he loved her. That was the only reason she chose to stay. It had all been to manipulate her into staying here, to be his babysitter. She knew she had hurt him, but she had tried so hard to fight for what they had; knowing he gave up everything to be with her. Now, she knew it was all a lie, that he saw staying with her as a punishment. How dare he! He made her feel awful for feeling trapped, yet he himself knew exactly how that felt. He chastised her for experiencing the same negative feelings that he held towards her. It wasn't fair!.. Unless this was his attempt at reverse psychology. He was trying to manipulate her into staying. Bastard. 

“You think you’re so much cleverer than me,” she spat.

“What?” 

“Well, your reverse psychology won't work on me, mate!” 

Rose stormed off to their room, slamming the door. The Doctor stayed in the living room, confused, waiting for her to re-emerge. Eventually he fell asleep. It was probably for the best. That way he didn't get to see her walk out of the flat, suitcase in hand. A sight that unquestionably would have broken his one human heart. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor tries to win Rose back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with the attempted suicide, so please bear this in mind! Xxx

***

Can you see

My eyes are shining bright

'Cause I'm out here

On the other side

Of a jet black hotel mirror

And I'm so weak

Is it hard understanding

I'm incomplete

A love that's so demanding

I get weak

***

 

Years before, on their brilliant ship that was bigger-on-the-inside, Rose had been lounged across the sofa in the media room, her feet securely in the Doctor’s lap as he rubbed away the ache from that day’s excursions. She’d sighed in contented bliss as they watched her favourite film ‘Say Anything’. She’d smiled brightly at Lloyd Dobler as he held a boombox above his head outside Dianne Court’s window. 

 

When Rose had been 16 she’d been convinced that Jimmy Stone was her Lloyd Dobler. Then he’d broken her heart and from that moment on she’d known that ‘Say Anything’ was nothing more than fiction. Then Rose had met the Doctor. 

 

As she’d looked across the sofa at him the universe made more sense. She’d known exactly why musicians sang songs, why artists painted pictures, why Cameron Crowe had written that amazing film; because love was a very real thing indeed. 

::

The Doctor stood outside Rose’s new apartment, boombox above his head. Five months. It had been five months since he had seen her last. She just left and hadn’t looked back. He’d had to find out what happened the next day from Pete. The Doctor, naturally worried about his girlfriend's disappearance, didn’t go to work the following morning. After a few hours of looking around Rose’s favorite hangout spots he had decided to go home and call Jackie. That was when he’d got a call from Pete; telling him that Rose was at work and had told him what happened between them. He spoke about how sorry he was for the break up. Yes, supposedly they had separated and he had to find out from her father. He handed in his resignation a week later. Seeing her in the office was just too much. 

 

Now he taught at an average league university. He had a very normal, very lonely life and would do just about anything to win Rose back. 

 

Not only was he stood outside making a ruckus, but the Doctor was also incredibly drunk. He’d had to be, to work up the courage to face her again. Suddenly his heart leapt into his mouth when her window opened.

“Doctor? What the hell are you doing?” she hissed at him.

The Doctor fiddled with the boombox, quickly turning it off and dropping it on the floor beside him. He’d have to buy Jake a new one, but there were more pressing matters at hand. 

“Rose! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it! I love you, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much! Please, Rose… I can’t live without you, petal,” he shouted back up to her, his voice cracking with raw emotion.

 

***

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

***

 

Rose opened the door to her flat as the Doctor stumbled in, throwing his arms around her, nuzzling her neck. She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t encourage it either, keeping her back stiff and muscles tense.

“Thank you,” he breathed into her neck. 

She pulled away and lead him into the living room, holding his hand for the first time in almost half a year. Rose sat on her sofa and the Doctor followed. He lounged across it, burying his head in her lap as he began to sob softly. His tears caused her trousers to cling to her skin.

“Rose,” he whispered. 

She no longer recognised this broken, shell of a man. She’d created this mess and now she must deal with it. 

“Yes, Doctor?” 

“ _ Please.  _ I’m not a good man, I’m selfish. I still want you to be happy, but be happy with me, I am begging you. I have done terrible, unthinkable things; yet they all melt away whenever you look at me, Rose. I love you. I have  _ always _ loved you and I will continue to do so until my final breath. You silence my inner demons and without you I can't sleep. They start to scream at me, Rose, keeping me awake and I can't settle without you to hold, love. Without you… I can’t go on like this. Rose.  _ Please.” _

She sat in silence and listened as he sobbed himself into a fitful slumber.

 

***

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

***

 

Weeks passed, yet again. The morning after the Lloyd Dobler incident the Doctor and Rose had eaten breakfast together in silence. He had hardly been able to tear his gaze away from her. His eyes had been dark from sleep deprivation and his face had looked hollow. He had always been skinny, but his current weight was worrying. She couldn’t bare to look at him, guilt seeping into every pore of her skin. It was too damn hard. She had told him that she was better off alone.

 

Now the image of the broken man haunted her every waking hour. Maybe she should try again, no matter what became of their relationship she could never leave him like that. 

 

Rose decided she and the Doctor would have to go back, right to the beginning. Get to know each other all over again. They weren't the same people they had been in 2005. They had simply changed too much and couldn't fit together with the knowledge they already possessed. She couldn't love him as the man she’d known, as that wasn't who he was anymore, just as his ideas of a pink and yellow girl were  warped with time. They could try again, as new friends, become comfortable, then just wait and see.

 

With a determined plan not to give up, Rose Tyler drove to the apartment she’d once shared with the Doctor. She knocked on the door with abandon, to no avail. A deafening silence greeted her from the other side. Perhaps he was out. Rose fished her keys out of her bag. She still had the key - to what was now only his flat - on her chain. She stood there for a moment, contemplating whether or not she should just let herself in, before finally inserting the key into the lock and turning it till she heard a click. 

 

It felt wrong. Everything was just…  _ off _ . The flat felt cold, unwelcoming. Too quiet for a place that housed the madman with - or without, as it now were - a box. That’s when she found him. A gasp slipped past her lips. Blood rushed to her ears. She knew she should run and jump into action, yet there she was, glued to the spot. Her heart smashed against her chest, trying and failing to leap out. A choking sensation burned her throat and tears fell from her eyes, with an unrelinquishing fierce ferocity. He had warned her. Why didn't she listen? An image from weeks gone by flashed across her mind's eye.

_ “I can’t go on like this. Rose. Please.”  _

She should have listened. Then maybe he wouldn't be collapsed, in a lump on the floor, next to an empty bottle of aspirin. 

 

***

These bright lights have always blinded me

These bright lights have always blinded me

I say

***


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a massive thanks to cloakoflife for her continued support and amazing beta-ing skills! <3

***

I see you lying next to me

With words I thought I'd never speak

Awake and unafraid

Asleep or dead

***

 

The Doctor woke up in the Torchwood medbay four days later. He was hot, sweaty and felt a pressure against his chest that ran across the entire left side of his body.  _ I’ve had a stroke,  _ was his first thought.  _ No, not a stroke.  _ He felt something tickle his chin and looked down to see the mass of blonde hair that was buried into his side, the loose strands responsible for his tickled flesh.

“Rose,” he choked out, barely above a whisper. His throat was sore and hoarse. 

She sat up abruptly and stared at him, eyes filled with sadness and regret. Her cheeks red and tear-stained. Then suddenly she crashed down upon him, lips brushing, gloriously against lips. She tugged at his hospital gown with desperation and poured all of herself into his very soul. It was the kiss of someone who had missed the recipient dearly. And because of that, the Doctor knew this couldn’t be real. Rose didn’t love him. He was clearly dead, for this was heaven. 

 

***

I am not afraid to keep on living

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

(Or dead)

***

 

After she caught her breath, Rose stood and promised the Doctor she’d be back. She ran from the room and returned with a doctor and a nurse. They checked the Doctor over and said he’d be okay to leave the following day. Rose and the Doctor were left in his private room alone. 

“Doctor, I…” Rose started but trailed off, not knowing how to say the words. 

“You don't have to say anything.” 

“But I do. I know it’s a cliche, but I didn't know what I had until I thought I’d lost you. I’m going to try harder, I promise. Because I can’t lose you, not again. I dont care that you can't show me the stars, or that you’ve only got one heart. You’re still him, you’re  _ my _ Doctor and it shouldn't have taken me this long to realise. You shouldn't have had to go through this for me to see it, and for that I will never forgive myself. I love you and I will never let you go again. I just want to get you home, take care of you and we’ll work out the rest later, yeah?” 

 

In that moment, the Doctor no longer felt fear. He didn't care whether he was alive, if this was a coma-induced dream, or if he was dead and in the afterlife. Rose was willing to hold his hand again and that was all that mattered.  

 

***

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

***

 

Rose helped the Doctor into her car. Just as she was walking around the vehicle to get into her side, she happened to look up at the sky, through nothing but sheer coincidence. Her timing was impeccable, as she just managed to catch a glimpse of the sun, breaking through some clouds of grey. Guilt coursed through her and ripped her to shreds from the inside out. What had happened to the Doctor was her doing. She knew if she helped him recover he’d forgive her, she just hope that maybe someday she could also forgive herself. 

 

Rose eased herself into the driver's seat and looked across at the man she was tied to for the rest of time. She reached over and placed her hand over one of his own, resting on his thigh. She gave it a final tight squeeze before letting go, starting the car and placing both hands on the wheel. 

“Ready?” she asked him. 

“You don't have to do this Rose. I don't want to be another obligation in an already demanding life. I meant what I said before, my life is worthless if you’re unhappy, for even a second. If you don't want me, I’ll be okay. Really.” 

 

She knew he was lying through his teeth and for some reason it spread a warmth throughout her chest, and not a chill down her spine; as one might expect. He loved her. So unapologetically, so unconditionally and truly. Rose Tyler was loved. He would destroy himself in order to place a smile upon her face, and with that terrifying thought she envisioned him as someone else. She saw a man with a leather jacket and blue eyes, the same man he had been from the start. He was  _ her _ Doctor and she needed him safe. They had only one life together after all, and already they had wasted so much time and nearly lost a precious gift.

“Doctor, I made my choice a long time ago,” she smile and turned towards him. Her hands slipped from the wheel, as one was delicately placed upon his cheek, and the other teased his messy hair. “And I’m never gonna leave you.”  

She leant over to place a soft, chaste, yet meaningful, kiss on his lips before settling back in her seat, ready to drive again.   

“Let’s go home,” she sighed. 

They smiled weakly at each other one last time, relief carved into every feature and a heavy weight lifted from the atmosphere. Rose pulled away from the curb as they began this new journey, together. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the always lovely cloakoflife! Thank you sooo much, I know this was a tough one <3 xxx


End file.
